This is dediated to all my loving friends and buddies who have been there for me always and some who left me alone on the bulwark of my sorrows  . Sharp nostalgia, infinite and terrible, for what I already possess……….

I always enjoyed the luxury of having good friends and buddies, who never turned their back on me. But I always ended up loosing my best friends one by one with out any major reason. My collage time was the most precious time where I found me real friends and even my love. I always managed to sneak into any buddy group as I could always vary my attitude and character according to situation. But then they came into my life…Girish, Deepak, Anil, Rakesh Bose, PuJohn, Priya, Haze, Jimmy, Bade, Sandy, Sumesh, Relin, Jijo, Sleeba, Vipin, Bibin, Noble, Rohit, Sujith, Kannan,…. ohh endless and I really mean it. Everyone were so special to me. Even in this list a few came forward and accepted me well as they really make out what I am and what they are for me.

People like Girish, Deepak, Priya, pUjohn, Bose, Vipin, Jimmy ohh yess they were really special to me. They read me well. I never had any secrets ( I am really bad with keeping secrets). Then came the time where I missed them all like hell for no reasons. Did I run away?? Did I left them back?? Still no answers. But one thing I am sure they will never forget me and I will never change. They all love me, I know that so I am not sad that I don’t have my best friends with me. B’coz the lie in my heart and in my memories.I’ve never tried to block out the memories of the past, even though some are painful. I don’t understand people who hide from their past. Everything I live through helps to make me the person I am now.

As I look back on all that’s happened..growing up, growing together, changing you, changing me — there were times when we dreamed together, when we laughed and cried together. As I look back on those days, I realize how much I truly miss you and how much I truly love you. The past may be gone forever..and whatever the future holds, our todays make the memories of tomorrow. So, my lifetime friend, it is with all my heart that I send you my love, hoping that you’ll always carry my smile with you, for all we have meant to each other and for whatever the future may hold.


It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithlessand therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it’s not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

I stood there, left with no answers, but with hell lot of questions. I watched her walking away. I realized that it could be the very last moment, very last chance in my life to get her back. But my mind was cluttered with painful emotions. I couldn’t make out which was more painful. Was it the feeling of loosing her made me wordless or was it the pain of a broken dreams made me tongue-tied that time. Relationships that are broken can be fixed but what to do when it get shattered ??

Whom should I blame, me and my decisions or her clarifications??

Live with it?? or Die for it??. Moving on, living painfully , cherishing those moments but still accepting the reality. Or make a couple of step backwards and there is point of no return. I closed my eyes and darkness filled my vision and thoughts. Suddenly it struck my thoughts like a lightening. A flash of white light in my brains. I call it a decision. I took my first step and I realized it was her character and love for me that kept me close to her and then I took my second step and I realized that it was my thirst for her and fantasy of living a life with her put me in dilemma of life and death. I know there is no third step backwards as it will be the end of everything, no regrets and no looks backs. I opened my eyes to get a last glimpse of her. But I couldn’t see her as my eyes were filled with tears. Then I took that step, dreadful, brave, absurd or whatever you may call. I was sure it will be the end of something. I should  accept it. That’s why I believe that was the most audacious three steps forward in my life. Yes I realized, I am no where near to quit myself and no way near to accept my failure. I will fight. I am fighting and will be fighting against the odds. Every situation has a way out and its you who has to find it. As everyone knows there will be an end to all beginnings and from all endings  something new begins…..

Money does it mean power within. I started feeling so. I have heard lot of stories where people valued self hapiness above money. But when I grew up I realized that money has lot to do with self respect, self realization and many more. Inturn money proved to be a matter of one’s value among the people in this diabolic world.Like many said, “There are certain things in this world money cannot buy”, but rest all needs money. So it is self explanatory that money adds value to your life. Anyone can argue to any extent but our world itself is the biggest evidence for money influencing human lives. Our world has seen so many instances where people earn respect for their money power.

A man who is filthy rich he is powerful. But what about love and relations. Is it the dreadful time that we started thinking money over love and relations. But I am not gonna change my belifs, I am not gonna bent my truths, I am not gonna sink in this stinking relaity. Please let me live through because I have dream to chase and destiny to reach. Let me get there before I get dragged into the pool of lifeless truths.

Everyone say that love is difficult considering the emotions and feelings that we have to fillin. It demands lot of changes and all of a sudden it can make you a new person.You will undergo many heart breaking moments and will be exposed to heartaches. You will experience pain, pain unlike the ones you’ve experienced before.

Everyone say that once you love, there is no turning back. It is like eating the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden. Once your eyes are opened, you can never close them again. You’d have departed your childish innocence, that fairy tale world where nothing ever goes wrong and nothing ever comes unexpected.

Love is difficult. Why desire it?

You were alone and you have been able to live your life without need of anyone. You spend your nights quietly, with no one to break that sweet silence between you and your God.

When you fall in love, you run the risk of having something, and of losing something. You run the risk of never viewing your nights the same way again.

If you lose the love you have sought, you will lose your quiet evenings, and they will be replaced with sleepless nights. You will always search for what you have lost. You will search for warm arms to embrace you, for sweet lips to kiss you, for gentle words to caress your neck. And who can bear missing such wonderful things?

Is it better therefore to remain as a child who knows nothing? Is it better to be innocent than to broken?

None can judge which is far better than the heart that needs to answer such things for herself.

They say that love is difficult. But it is not easiness that I seek. Life is a struggle in itself. Look where there is no struggle, and all you can see is a world bereft of life and of consciousness.

You can never truly lose anything unless you have possessed something first. You can never grieve of loss less you have possessed something great, something that gave value to your life.

Difficult as it is, love is wonderful, and it is worth all the troubles other people may try to warn you about. Living a full life, risking to lose something wonderful. To love is indeed the one purpose a person desires to live his life for. Life always chooses to be born, to be experienced, and to be aware of the beautiful path we walk upon each day.


Sow a thought, and you reap an act; 
Sow an act, and you reap a habit; 
Sow a habit, and you reap a character; 
Sow a character, and you reap a destiny. 
by Charles Reade

What is destiny? To many people it is how they live their lives. They believe that everyone’s life has its own destiny or course. According to Webster’s Dictionary destiny is a predetermined course of events often held to be an irresistible power or agency. (Webster’s Dictionary) In other words our destiny is out fate. It could either be a good thing or a bad thing and to most people it has already been decided by a Supreme Being or God.
 I’ve always been scared of the notion that my actions are already written down on some major blackboard. My mom used to always say that ‘God’ (who doesn’t exist) already has foreseen the next 40 things you do or say. Some people might that think that’s encouraging and that we’re all part of a pattern and at least we’re part of something bigger?  But that is just the pessimistic view on destiny. Others believe that one can decide his or her own destiny. A person just has to know how to control it and become a master of it. I personally believe that one can control his or her own destiny. That is if you strive to do that yourself. If you just live your life expecting that everything will fall in your lap you are wrong.

Nothing in life is pre-destined as in the people you meet, the jobs you get or the person you marry. If that were to be true then everyone would be happy, that is if your destiny is for you to be happy. I think that the notion of destiny is just an excuse that people use for the misfortunes or fortunes that they encounter. During the course of ones life you can began to make your own destiny. 
Some people do believe that certain things are meant to happen as in the people you meet and the person you marry. I don’t think that destiny has anything to do with the person that you fall in love with. For example if everyone in this world was destined to fall in love with someone, and there was a perfect match for everyone, then why don’t people find him or her? Why does divorce happen? Destiny whether it is real or not is not fair. It never seems to work in favor of the person. The very few times that people actually do find their “perfect mate” then the notion of destiny and that they were meant to be together comes up but I just think that is just an excuse for a relationship that works. Another point in a person’s life that people may say that he or she is destined for is their career. The course of your career and who you are in life is all on the person not a predetermined situate. Whether the person applies himself and goes to school and then to college and eventually gets a career on his own is his prerogative. Bill Gates was not destined to be the richest man in the world I believe. I think that he had a dream and the worked hard when he was young to become what he is today. 
Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved. 


I dedicate this blog to best buddy I ever got who is a real lovely person. I am sure that everyone who knows him feel same . Easy to identify him b’coz of his always smiling face. The BIG SMILE which all will remember I am sure. Whom now is a sweet son & a fantastic hubby as we all  call him DhAK.. DhAK… DEEPAK…….
I never knew I found something special when I saw you six years ago. The friendship we had started out weak, but grew strong as time grew old.
Looking back through the years, I can’t believe how long we have been best friends, through good times and bad.
You were always there when I needed someone to share my sorrows  and laugh together. You were always there as a shoulder to lean on and make me feel better when I was down.
You know how true it is, When you know that no matter what happens or goes on down the road,we will always be best friends. So as time passes and days go by,just remember that when you need me, no matter what time or place,I will always be there by your side, my best friend.
If we ever separate, It’ll have to be certain fate. No matter what,you are my best friend. Like chant goes ‘Forever to the end’, you are my very best friend…We may grow apart and  drift away, but I will always remember you as my best friend forever.Always, like the chant goes, Forever ’till the end,You’ll always be my bESt fRiENd.